Gordon Kenney

At the behest of the loonies that run Atlantic, we had to film an intro sequence for the James Blunt video that we shot a couple of weeks ago. Kinga was busy shooting Will Young so Ollie Evans stepped into the fray to deputize.

The concept was to cast a 70s Top Of The Pops style presenter to introduce the video.

We chose this fella - Gordon Kenney:

While on set Gordon was only too happy to give us a few insights into his life. He lives in Hainault. He is married to a young Russian woman. He hasn't worked for 2 years as he's been busy writing a musical - a project into which he's ploughed most of his savings.

Gordon still has an eye for the ladies as our 2 models soon found out. 'Don't be scared girls. Just pretend I'm attractive'.

At one point he said:

'I wish I had a voice like - what was his name? Big darkie. What was his name? Barry White'.

You have to feel for Gordon, stuck in an anachronistic Bravo TV world where Alf Garnett's 'In Sickness And In Health' plays continuously and it's still acceptable to call back people 'darkies'.

A few years ago another actor cornered me on set and started telling me about his impending divorce. The problems began when his forskin unexpectedly calcified. The resulting surgery deprived him of 3 inches of penile length and left him with a deep seated fear of sexual intercourse. He fell back on booze and beta blockers for his nerves. Eventually his stupour made him abusive and his wife turfed him out.

As a local cab driver said to me recently, 'everything is everything Tim, I'm telling you'.

Concepts

Sometimes, when I've been listening to Nick Ferrari's breakfast show on LBC, I get so pumped that I need a can of the Doctor to unwind. This was the case yesterday when I arrived on set for the video shoot for The Days' forthcoming single 'No Ties'.

Diamond Dogs from HSI were directing; Ben Sullivan produced it; and Will Bex (B.S.C) put the lights up.

The Days are a four piece band from Devon that were signed to Atlantic a couple of years ago. In that time they've been put through a horrendous pop boot-camp. They've been touring schools, hospitals, Butlins and old people's homes relentlessly for the last year. We even made them do media training with Andi Peters, an experience that left Tim from the band with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. (He later confided in me that he still suffers from occasional bouts of bed-wetting as a result.)

The first thing Andi told them was 'Always sit on your hands when you're being interviewed - it'll stop you fidgeting'. Alright Andi. Just keep your hands where we can see them.

We shot the video on Red Cam. If you've ever used this piece of shit, you'll have seen the following on the monitor alot over the course of the day:

And when it isn't 'initializing', this piece of shit is 'powering down', normally just as you're about to turn over. All I'm saying is, don't believe the hype.

Here's a picture of Ollie Dog on set wearing an antique Varangian helmet:

And here's a detail from the Dogs' storyboard. I never did find the other board so I'm not really sure how the end of the video's gonna pan out.

Anyhow, that's it. Time for a glass of Campari.

High energy jack rabbit fuckin wannabe big-time small-time

Bob Harlow. Stitchthat. After black hammers.

Today we're gonna take a few moments to celebrate the work that Bob has made over the past few weeks.

First up, delivered only a few hours ago, and already clocking 50 views a minute on youth tube, is Bob's latest viral for Wiley's 'Cash In My Pocket' (taken from his forthcoming album). Produced by Mark Ronson and featuring Daniel Merriweather, it's a straight up kredit krunch anthem. The video includes an angry cameo from a young looking Robert Downey Junior that Bob filmed on Wall Street over the weekend.



Secondly we have Bob's homage to the 'Fully Flared' kredit sequence. Shot at Meanwhile last week, it features the whole Stitchthat pro team - Martyn, Tim, James - and is heavy.



Finally, here's Bob's video for the Rifles' new single 'The Great Escape', commissioned by Claire Stubbs and produced by 'Doom' Thomas. This one's got a kid on a bike in it and was made with kredit cards and many un-VAT registered favours.



Get it while it's hot.

New CADS, aka Hurty part dos

So the 2008 UK Music Video Awards took place on Tuesday night. It was jokes. Adam Buxton is officially made out of funny. And David Knight and his team deserve a big hi-five for pulling it all together.

Sometimes I find it easier to describe things in song. In this instance these words from R Kelly's 'Ignition (remix)' seem appropriate:

Then after the show its the (after party)
And after the party its the (hotel lobby)
And round about four you gotta (clear the lobby)
Then take it to the room and freak somebody

That's pretty much how it was, except the 'hotel lobby' was actually the street outside the Orchid club, where we stood around for about half an hour, and 'the room' was in fact Academy's offices.

The In Your Face paparazzi team were on hand all night to capture these exclusive and totally random photographs.

Here's a picture of Luke Taylor from Big Balls dancing. If I had to write a caption for this it would be: 'Yeah I'm drunk. What the fuck are you gonna do about it'.


Here are producer Juliette Larthe and actress Maryam L'Ange adding some glamour to the proceedings.


Below you can see editor Jim Wright and art director Tiddaz congratulating themselves on what a wicked job they both did on Blackout Crew's 'Put A Donk On It' video. And on the right is Draw Pictures director David Allain showing off his flawless complexion.


Finally here's Chris Massey from Academy looking a little in need of a jaw massage; and Emile from Between The Eyes just about to pass the Courvoisier. Not sure who my man in the middle is though.


Yesterday, at around lunchtime, I eventually got a mini cab boss boss into work. Snow Patrol's 'Chasing Cars' came on the radio. Racked by paranoia and come-down self-loathing, I started to weep, gently at first, and then uncontrollably, proving that music has lost none of its power to move you to your core.

Young Money

Say what you want about James Blunt, but don't say that he isn't a consumate professional. Here he is on the set of the video for his forthcoming single 'Love Love Love', holding director Kinga Burza's cat.


That's what I'm talking about. Dude, hold this cat and sing. No problem. Ok, time to shoot your close up. Fine. You don't need to give him an eyeline because his eyeline is always the same - straight down the barrel of the lens and into the hearts of millions. Do we need to watch that take back? No. Palm it. Why? Because he's landed it. You know it's going to be tighter than an Antwuan Dixon tre flip.



And here's the reason: whether it's shooting a video on his only day off in four months or doing 18 hours of european promo straight, whatever James has to get up and do is better than being holed up in a tank in Kosovo drinking his own wee wee.

Hurty

This is what it feels like to be a video commissioner in 2008. Long. But that's why they invented Vicodin: to take the pain away and make you feel nice.

Wikipedia lists the following as possible side effects of Vicodin:

'Clammy skin, severe weakness, hyperventilation, unconsciousness, jaundice, unusual fatigue, constipation, dry mouth, nausea, decreased appetite, muscle twitches, sweating, hot flushes, decreased urination, and decreased sex drive.'

But everyone knows that Vicodin doesn't do that shit to you. Working at a major record label takes care of it just fine - which reminds me, I need to make another appointment with my GP.