New Era plus Campari equals

Idiot.


I just want to take a moment to explain the Campari thing. It has long been recongnized by connoisseurs that Campari is the best drink in the world.

However, that obviously wasn't enough for the CEO of Campari. In classic hubristic fashion he wanted to extend the reach of the brand - he wanted the world.

So he paid a bunch of money for a bottle to be featured in the video for Atlantic's biggest single of the year - T.I's 'Live Your Life'. I'm not joking. At the end of the video, while in 'The Club', T.I. lovingly handles a bottle of Campari for about 10 seconds.

And now kids think Campari is the new Patron. But they've been given no real indication of how you're supposed to drink it. The video certainly doesn't tell you. How fucking irresponsible is that? Kids are probably rolling into the Stratford Rex trying to drink it with Coca Cola or mango juice or some shit.

Unless you handle Campari right it's gonna taste like medicine. So kids - here's an exclusive In Your Face guide to drinking Campari.

In my opinion you've got two options if you're gonna fuck with Campari.

First up: the Negroni (one part gin, one part sweet vermouth, and one part Campari, mixed in an ice filled shaker, garnished with burnt orange). If it doesn't look like this, send it back:


Be careful though. You drop two of these and it's gonna be drunk time. And if you let drunky get on top of you, you're gonna embarrass yourself. It's the alcoholic equivalent of being made to do P.E. in your pants because you forgot your kit.

Second up: the Venetian Spritz (two fingers of dry white wine, ideally a little prosecco, one finger of Campari, a splash of mineral water, and a little slice of lemon to top it off).


This one's for all my civilized, romance loving homies. Girls drink this like it's water and it makes them feel nice. If you can't afford the Easy Jet flight to Venice, you could always try drinking it by the Limehouse Canal in Hackney.

So remember kids - enjoy and respect Campari like a lover and try not to puke on the night bus home.